Skip to main content

Full text of "The Ruhleben camp magazine"

See other formats


*/w 









lis 

[vSEfNH 



HBHBIIHkS 






WW 



3k3khS 






^B 



HI 



«e 



■ ' 



wjkI 



rf* v*V><4 










HI 



■ ■ ■ **-. ■ ■ i 






-€c? . 9 



■: 



CL^-*~*'' 




SPRING NUMBER 

SEE PUBLISHERS' ANNOUNCEMENT ON PAGE 8. 



\ 1916. 

PRICE 40 PFENNIGS. 






GRAND VARIETY ENTERTAINMENT! 



BY 

THE RUHLEBEN INTELLECTUALS!!! 

(Date not yet fixed,) 



I. 



SALOME DANCE 

II. 

Prof. PATCHETT 

will deliver a Monologue entitled 

FRAUST!! 
or 

90MNTHESHADES! 

III. 

THAT WORLD-FAMOUS 
BALLAD 

"IN CELLE COOL" 

will be sung by 

SPECIALLY SELECTED 
TROUPE. 

IV. 

Mr. CROSSLAND-BRIGGS 

will speak on 

GOODNESS KNOWS 
WHAT! 



V. 



"VERBOTEN!" 
or 

THE SUNBATHERS' 
LAMENT 

will be given (in Costume) 

by 

A. HARYUN. 

CURTAIN. 



Mr. DADD. 

VI. 

GRAND CHORUS. 

ODE TO BERLITZ 
or 

OTTO, WHERE ART 
THOU? 

will be sung by 

THE HUGONOT QUARTET. 

VII. 

DIRGE. 

Specially written for the occasion 

by that popular 

Knockabout Artiste 

DUNCANNY JONES!!! 

THE DEAD CANARY!' 

(The audience are requested to remove 
their hats.) 



VIII. 

Dr. LOG1E 

WILL 

TALK! 



^TsataiaSZi 



■1 



■ 



THE 

RUHLEBEN CAMP 
MAGAZINE 



N^3. 



MAY 



1916. 



EDITORIAL. 

i 

THE Promenade Concerts which take place during the 
summer (months have given more pleasure than any 
other Camp entertainment. The music is bright and popular 
and can be listened to in comfort by the whole Camp. 
Unfortunately however, it does not seem to occur to ^he 
people who attend these concerts that the performances require 
any support or encouragement, except applause. This is not 
the case, however, for although the performers give their 
services for the entertainment of the Camp, there are 
unavoidable expenses to be met in connection with the concerts 
and it is but reasonable to expect the Camp to do something 
towards meeting them. The only source of income open to 
the concert givers, and that is meagre enough, is derived 
from the sale of programmes. So many people, however, 
do not buy programmes that this source of revenue is quite 
inadequate. It is a pity that this should be so, /for ten 
pfennigs' a week is not a large sum to pay for a good concert. 
Perhaps this hint will induce men to loosen their purse-strings 
a little, and give the orchestra that support which is not only 

necessary but uncommonly well deserved. 

*. * 

* 

There must be very few among our Ruhleben community 
whose thoughts do not turn to the blessed day when they 
will find themselves restored to freedom and friends — to 
say nothing of sweethearts and wives. It is a subject which 
fills the minds of all, whatever date, near or distant, we assign 
to that much longed for event. One constantly hears schemes 
discussed which only await the last line-up to be carried 
out; some of these ideas are visionary, others are practical; 
some are grave, others gay; but all have a common interest- 
We shall be glad if readers will let us have their views on 
the subject, and tell us what they would do if they were free, 
and had a month at their disposal to spend exactly as they 
pleased. An assortment of Ruhleben views on this subject 
would be of interest to us all, and might be of much use; for 



there are many among us who are at a very loose end as 
regards the future. If correspondents will send as thei|r 
suggestions as to the best way to spend' a holiday under the? 
circumstances we have indicated, we shall be glad to print 
them for the edification of all and sundry. 

For the benefit pf the few, Ruhlebenites who, though brainy, 
have a few moments to spare we announce a novel and 
interesting Missing Word Competition. As will be seen, there 
is a prize for every blank. 

1.. "God bless Mr. — !" Prize. — Presentation pair of 
corduroys (as new). 

2. "Stick it, — ! Go it, — !" — Prize. — Key to all 
the jokes in the R.C.M. 

3. "I was — in August, 1914!" — Prize. — Handsome jug. 

4. "When do you think the — will be over?" — Prize. — 
Perpetual calendar. 

5. "Are we — ?" — Prize. — One year's subscription to 
'Hearts of Oak' Society. 

6. "You'll get — hours if you do that!" Prize. — Advice 
to young men.' 

7. "What have they got at the Canteen?" — Prize. — 
Handsomely bound Stores catalogue. 

Further particulars at some future date. 

* * 

* 

DO the people who decorate Camp hoardings with 
anonymous announcements realise that by withholding their 
names they deprive their utterances of all value ? Anonymity, 
in such cases, only leaves the impression that the writer is 
afraid to attach his name to his remarks, and that he probably 
has a good reason for his reticence. This is all the more 
to be regretted as these notices are often of considerable 
interest, reflecting as they do the real opinions of the Camp 

on different questions of the .hour. 

* * 
* 

THE two smoking concerts which were given in March 
were so successful that we hope that there will be a repetition 
of this form of recreation as soon as opportunity offers. A 
little honest fun and amusement are what the Camp wants - — 
but does not invariably get. Without in the least criticising 
the admirable performances which are given by the Dramatic 
Society we think, and there are obviously many who agree 
with us, that more opportunity should be given to those of 
us who enjoy a pipe and a song to do so. Smoking concerts 
are a time-honoured and popular feature of our brighter 
moments in England, with the further advantage that they are 
more easily arranged than any other form of social diversion. 



MOVE ON, PLEASE! 




APRIL 30th, 1916. 



. 




ALTHOUGH we have invited criticism on these notes in previous 
numbers, up to the present, the response to our appeal is 
limited, and as we feel sure a number of the seafaring fraternity 
are able to air their "growls" in a literary way, we again invite 
criticism. 

As we have so little space at our disposal this month we are 
obliged to hold over reports to a later issue. 

'THEY ALSO SERVE WHO STAND AND WAIT." 

IT was Sunday in Port Said; the afternoon sun beat down with 
a semi-tropical fierceness upon a scene, not as usual, of blinding 
and deafening activity, but one of comparative quiet, disturbed only 
by a faint and distant rattle, which announced to the initiated the 
well-appreciated fact that, somewhere in the Harbour, a ship was in 
the unfortunate condition of being "worked" on the Sabbath. 

One ship, lying at the tier farthest from the town, presented a 
silent and deserted appearance this afternoon. The heat of the sun 
had apparently driven the members of her crew to seek refuge in 
siestas, or in the cool shades of some accommodating cafe ashore. 
Upon closer inspection, one figure is observed, sitting in solitary state 
in a deck chair, upon the bridge-deck. He is evidently lost in 
reflection, for in his wide-opened eyes is a far away expression; 
and his pipe, hanging loosely from his mouth, has been out some time. 

But he is not allowed to remain in this condition for long. 
A small boat approaches quickly, and a puffing perspiring individual, 
clad in white, jumps from it, hastens up the gangway, and greets 
our thoughtful friend with a hearty thump on the back, crying at 
the same time, "Hello, P...! how are you?" Without waiting 
for an answer, he goes on. 

"I had no idea you were here, till old Ali told me this morning." 

"Well, we only arrived late last night," answered the other; "I 
knew you were in, and intended visiting you, but thanks to Ali you've 
spared me the trouble. Well, heard anything of old Joe lately?" 

"What! J . . .?" was the response in tones of amazement, "haven't 
you heard about him?" 

"No; what is it?" 

"Oh! he is locked up with that whining crowd of slackers in 
Ruhleben, petitioning the government to release them, and living at the 
sametimie a life of ease and luxury, indulging by way of recreation in 
the pleasures attendant upon cricket and football grounds, golf course 
&c, to say nothing of several tennis courts, and excellent facilities for 
all kinds of athletic sports. Then again, they are living shamelessly 
on the charity of the already overburdened ratepayer, and . . ." 

"Sh!" interrupted the other, an almost impatient look threatening 
to disturb the serenity of his face. 



"Not quite so fast, please; your eloquence is overwhelming. 
You seem to have prepared your case with all the pertinacity, but 
hardly the skill of a professional lawyer. Let us sift the evidence. 
First, you say he is locked up; do you realize what that means? 
I think not! The fettering and forced inaction, causing the stores 
of energy and vitality, at first employed in optimism and hope, to 
sink gradually into a (dull despair, producing a demoralizing effect 
upon the spirit, till one's existence becomes nothing more than 
obedience to the behests of the most primitive instinct — self 
preservation." 

"But. the compensations !" ventured the visitor. Our philosopher 
turned sharply and retorted. 

"Rot! Your imagination runs away with you. You talk glibly 
of cricket, and immediately you see the Oval or Lords ; of football, 
and the shouting, cheering crowd at the Crystal Palace occur to 
your memory; of golf, and the pleasant vistas of Sunningdale or 
Walton Heath are open to your view; of tennis and athletics, and 
your imagination is stimulated by recollections of pleasant days 
spent at Wimbledon and Stamford Bridge. " 

"Do you really think, my friend, that poor old J . . .'s leisure 
hours are so well catered for? If you do, you are more credulous 
than I supposed. You seem to forget, that, after all, they are 
prisoners, and not a Cook's tourist party." 

"Steady, now! that's too much; I didn't mean — " 

"Of course not, 1 <know that quite well; but you receive an 
impression through a doubtful medium, and retail it in that distorted 
atmosphere, doing incalculable harm. While, if you thought a 
little and brought your intelligence to bear upon it, the facts of the 
case would present a very different aspect. Again, how do you 
suppose these people, whom you describe as living on "over- 
burdened ratepayers", manage to indulge in expensive pleasures, when 
their assistance from that source consists merely of a few shillings 
weekly, which is, so I've heard, strictly in the way of a loan?" 

He paused and looked questioningly at his companion, as 
though expecting a reply, but, receiving none, he continued, 

"You also remarked that they were living in ease and luxury, 
and, in the same breath they are "whining for the government to 
release them." How do you reconcile these two statements? The 
former implies smug self-complacency and satisfaction with their 
lot; the latter, dissatisfaction, and a very natural desire to be free 
once more. So you see, your case for the prosecution has not 
even the bare merit of consistency, and consequently crumples like 
a pack of cards upon the application of a little common-sense; 
investigation." 

"Look here, old man" he added, more gently, "please do not 
form these hasty judgments upon scanty and ill-considered facts, 
but try and appreciate the circumstances; and, above all, keep 
your sense of proportion well adjusted." He stopped, lit his hipe, 
and resumed his former contemplative attitude, while his visitor, 
slowly turning away, began to pace the deck in moody silence. 

MIDDLE WATCH. 



Comes ■4|inus m 'tamp 



Mr. WALTER BUTTERWORTH 

(from Manchester). 

ALTHOUGH Mr. Butterworth's present address is Ruhleben, 
Manchester has the privilege of claiming him as one of her 
worthiest citizens. For that favoured though sunless city, 
which is the headquarters of Free Trade, Democracy, and; 
a Ship Canal in good going order, enjoys the further distinction 
of numbering Mr. -Butterworth among its ex-Councillors. In this 
civic capacity Mr. Butterworth has acted with conspicuous 
success, while in private life he is a patron of art, and a boon 
companion in Lancastrian literary circles. 

Mr. Butterworth was one of the 'first to arrive in Ruh- 
leben, and from an early date has interested himself on behalf 
of his interned fellow-countrymen in general, and Lancastrians 
in particular. The Lancastrian Society owes its inception 
to Mr. Butterworth's enterprise, while the only democratic, 
institution in the Camp — the Debating Society — owes a 
good deal of its success to his work and influence. But it is as 
Chairman, of course, that Mr. Butterworth stands, or sits, 
pre-eminent among his fellows ; — the Pere la Chaise of Ruh- 
leben. For where two or three are gathered together for dis- 
cussion there will Mr. Butterworth be found, occupying the Chair. 
A natural aptitude for this distinguished function, together with 
constant practice in its exercise have combined to make him a 
Chairman who reaches as near perfection as erring mortal can. 

In spite of what has been said above, Mr. Butterworth 
has his moments of leisure. These he occupies in Dutch and 
Danish literature, — for the taste for foreign languages is now 
universal. In still lighter moments Mr. Butterworth resorts to 
a certain Club, at the back of Barrack 7. Of this institution we 
can only say that its members are intellectual without being 
offensively so; it is a haunt of certain artistic and musical 
people who do not court publicity, and who shrink from the 
fierce lime light that beats upon a Ruhleben public character. 
Would that there were more! 

For a short period Mr. Butterworth acted as Captain of a 
Barrack; but that is another story. 

IT has been found necessary to raise the price of the 
Magazine to 40 pfennigs. This increase, which the publishers 
very much regret, is unavoidable, as the cost of production 
makes it impossible' to adhere to the old price, although all 
contributions are voluntary. Rather than reduce the size of 
the Magazine this small increase of price has been made, and 
it is hoped that readers will appreciate the necessity under 
which this step has been taken. 




' p:SuiteiworfA f 




#Ǥ 





naiierMuiterwoiih &q. 

JS.cfihe City ofMane/iesier. 



b © 



:>>?-U n% 



ir-m* 




10 



READ OUR GRAND NEW SERIAL! 

BEGIN NOW! 



SENSATIONAL AND THRILLINGLY REALISTIC ROMANCE! 

"LINE UP!" 

OR 

"LIFE IN A LAGER!!!" 

(A number of the most popular writers of the day have combined to write this 
dramatic and up-to-date romance exclusively for the R CM.) 

ALL RIGHTS (including dramatic and cinema) 
strictly reserved throughout the entire World. 

PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS. 
ANGELICA WHATNOT, a poor but dazzliiigly beautiful blonde. 

Is engaged as a typist, and is in love with 
HECTOR FITZ MARJORIBANKS -MARJORIBANKS, (telegrams and 

parcels, MARJ'I, LONDON) ; tall, beautiful teetn, immensely 

strong, blue eyes, 50-inch chest, very old Bayswate/ family, and 

a triple Oxbridge 'blue'. 
MAISIE MOABIT, handsome, dark and feline; drinks; creme de 

menthe, smokes, and is suspected of being 'fast'. 
SNOOKEY OOK, an international crook, in partnership with Maisie; 

wears a signet ring, and has bloodshot eyes. 

In addition to the above, many ether characters of absorbing 
interest will appear in this palpitating romance! 




CHAPTER I. 
THE CflS/NO. 

IT was a calm, clear evening in May. 
A fashionable and cosmopolitan throng of gay and wealthy 
loungers loitered in the vast assembly rooms of the Ruhleben 
Casino. 

Among these habitues <of the Lager's most exclusive rendez- 
vous stood Hector Fitz Marjoribanks - Marjoribanks, a look 
of faint boredom on his handsome clean -cut features. 
Immaculately clad in evening dress, he presented a striking 
figure. A scarlet silk handkerchief, carelessly thrust in the 



11 



folds of a low-cut waistcoat (one of Beinstock's latest creations) 
betrayed his patrician taste; and although the week was well 
advanced, — for it was Friday evening — his collar was 
dazzlingly white. Between his lips hung a. half -smoked Flor 
de Spandau. 

The last sobbing strains of that haunting morceau, "His 
Master's V r oice!" were reverberating along the frescoed 
corridors, and Hector was about to leave the gay assembly (for 
it was already 9.30 p.m.), when his arm was touched by a 
dark, broad-shouldered man who had approached with panther- 
like tread. 

"Come with me, Hector Fitz-Marjoribanks-Majoribanks !" 
he said. 

"Who are you?" asked Hector. 

"I am Alltop!" replied the other. 

Even Hector's aristocratic composure was startled! And 
not without reason! For all Ruhleben knew Alltop, the Chief 
of the Ruhleben Secret Service, whose skill as a sleuth was 
the admiration and envy of Europe's most experienced 
detectives. It was Alltop who had unravelled the strange 
affair of the missing B. B. B., and it was his master mind that 
had solved the mystery of the disappearing deck-chair ! 

The two men left the Casino, and proceeded in silence 
to Alltop 's office, which Avas close at hand. 

A Special Service man, bearing on his left sleeve the 
dreaded armlet of official rank, opened the door. 

"The pass-word?" he demanded. 

"Rhatz!" replied Alltop. 

"Good!" 

The two men entered, and the door, turning noiselessly on 
its well-oiled hinges, hid them from view. 

CHAPTER II. 

IN THE GREEN ROOM. 

In the 'Green Room of the Ruhleben Theatre of 
Contrarieties sat Maisie JMoabit. The hour was late. Maggi 
Wurfel, the Camp's favourite comedienne, had \ quitted the 
building, accompanied by a bevy of admiring pittites; save for 
the tramping of some belated mariner on the concrete overhead 
the building was silent. 

Maisie's jewelled fingers toyed with a decanter of her 
favourite liqueur, and from time to time she blew clouds of 
fragrant Woodbine smoke from her scornful lips. She was 
about to yawn when a gentle tapping ;on the door arrested 
her attention. 

"Herein!" cried Maisie, for this accomplished woman was 
a linguist of no mean order; "is that you. Broker?" 






^Bm^m 




12 




But the man who stood before her was Snookey, the 
Crook ! 

Maisie nodded carelessly to her confederate, then filled a 
glass with liqueur, and handed it to him. 

"Mahlzeitl" 

"Prosit!" 

The long silence which followed was broken at length by 
Snookey's guttural accents. 

"Any news, Maisie?" he enquired anxiously; 

"Nichts zu machen!" replied Maisie; "nothing doing, old 
bird!" 

"Do you know what you are saying, woman?" cried 
Snookey, livid with rage. "Have you not succeeded in ruining 
Hector Marjoribanks-Marjoribanks yet?" 

"I did my best", said Maisie sadly, "but it was only a waste 
of time! I took hirn shopping in Bond Street, but there was 
nothing on sale ! How can you ruin a man on a bottle of gum 
and a sheet of last season's fly paper?" 

"Anything else?" 

"Yes; I lured him to the Summer House, hoping to get him 
involved in that haunt of the Ruhleben Four Hundred !■" 

"With what result?" 

"He cleaned them out at cribbage; borrowed three marks 
from the white-jacketed attendant; and left the Club with 
an Italian Grammar and a pot of geraniums to the good!" 

"Curse him!" cried Snookey beside himself with passion, 
and grinding his gold-filled teeth, in spite of the dentist's 
warning. "Have you tried poison?" 



13 



"Yes!" replied Maisie, sadly. "I gave him some patent 
coffee extract, — a whole cupful! But he seemed to enjoy it! 
He said it improved his appetite!" 

For some moments Snookey sat in moody silence, fingering 
his massive^ gold albert and medallion, — for he was a 
dressy man. 

"There is only one thing to be done!" he said at length, 
rising to his feet. 

But at that moment a terrible uproar arose from the 
adjoining room; the air was filled with angry shouts, 
imprecations, and sounds of quarrelling. 

"What the devil is that?" cried Snookey. 

"The Entertainments Committee", replied Maisie; "they are 
receiving a deputation from the Dramatic Society!" 

"Then this is no place for me!" said Snookey, and crushing 
his hat on his head, he strode from the room. 
(To be continued in our next.) 




THE above design, which has been drawn carefully to scale, will, we 

hope, satisfy the innumerable enquiries which we have received as to 

the inner working of the R, C M, Automat 



14 




RUHLEBEN MUSICAL SOCIETY. 

NO small share of credit for the present gratifying standard of the 
Ruhleben Orchestra is due to Mr. Peebles-Conn. Valuable 
work was accomplished under his direction in connection with the 
production of "Der fidele Bauer", almost a year ago: and if the 
Promenade Concerts, which proved so immensely popular last summer, 
were of no great artistic worth, the advantage to t|,ie orchestra of 
regular practice and performance (under such an able and well-equipped 
musician cannot be over estimated. The programme of the 6th 
Symphony Concert, which was given on March 26 th., erred on 
the heavy side. Mendelssohn's "Scotch" Symphony is supposed to 
be a musical reflection of certain aspects of Scottish scenery and 
life which impressed the composer during a holiday journey in the 
year 1829. The work which was not completed until 1842, is neither 
particularly Scotch nor particularly interesting. In the Scherzo and 
Finale the composer has made use of '''local colour" in a rather 
obvious and commonplace manner, but it is difficult to see anything 
characteristic in the first movement, while as for the long drawn-out 
Adagio one can only hope that the Scots are not quite so mawkishly 
sentimental as this part of the work would seem to imply! The work 
had been most carefully rehearsed by Mr. Conn, and a thoroughly 
sound and finished performance was the result. Volkmann's Serenade 
for Strings, with Mr. Dodd as solo 'cellist, and two overtures — 
Schubert's "Rosamunde" and Nicolai's "The Mer/y Wives of Wind- 
sor" were the other orchestral numbers in the programme. Mr. 
Charles Weber gave a really fine rendering of Schubsrt's "Der 
Doppelganger", and highly delighted the audience by singing Schu- 
mann's "The Two Grenadiers". 



Mr. Gordon Short, a gifted pianist hailing from Australia, was 
responsible for the arrangement of the Concert on ^pril 2nd. The 
programme was not very happily chosen, the performance of Men- 
delssohn's Violin Concerto and the inclusion of a couple of operatic 
airs being rather curious features in an entertainment advertised 
as a "Chamber Concert". One need not be too critical on this 
point, however, realising as one does some of the difficulties of 
concert-giving in Ruhleben: and, if the choice of works left something 
to be desired, the concert from the executive standpoint reached a 
very good level of excellence. Mr. Leslie Harris, a compatriot of 
Mr. Short, is a sincere and capable artist, whose appearances in 
Ruhleben have been mainly in the field of chamber-music. His 
powers as a soloist were put to a more severe test in the Violin 
Concerto of Mendelssohn, .which he played in thoroughly musicianly 
fashion, and with adequate technical fluency. Mr. Short's solo 
numbers were rather unfortunately chosen. One had the feeling 
that he was out of sympathy with Chopin's Impromptu in F sharp, 
his rub a to seeming forced and unnatural, the piece thereby losing 
much of its inherent dignity: and Mr. Short is far too good an artist 
to waste his gifts on rubbish like Reinecke's "Ballade". Indeed, it 
was only in the Trio of Arensky that he was heard to real advantage. 
But, in spite of his fine playing, and the excellent support accorded 



15 



him by Messrs. Harris and Schlesinger, one was unab'.e to work up 
any enthusiasm for this work. The Scherzo is 4he best movement, 
having a good deal of that superficial brilliance which one most 
usually finds in theiworks of Jewish compcsers — such as Merdelsschn 
and Moszkowski: but not all the finished workmanship and polished 
elegance of thie writing can hide the essential feebleness and 
insincerity of the ideas. Mr. Austin sang the Toreador Song and "Largo 
al factotum" from Rossini's "Barber of Seville" — the fcrmer 
without much effect, the latter extremely well, displaying excellent 
diction, and a vivacity and animation of which one had scarcely 
suspected him. B. J. D. 




RUHLEBEN CAMP SCHOOL. 



■JMleWfa MB IHHH 




16 



EXTREMES MEET 




STANISLAS V0INAR0V3KY. 

Constable CASTLE of the Ruhleben Police. 

PETER BONDARENKO. 




17 



OMAR REVISITS RUHLEBEN. 
I. 

Awake ! for rosy JMorn is here at last, 
And bids the Present put away the Past : 
The wakeful Barrack Cadi's piercing Eye 
Upon each laggard Slumberer is cast. 

II. 

Recumbent on a wood-stuffed Mattress, I 

Now hear a voice within the Barrack cry, 

"Forth I leave thy Bath, ,and join the waiting Throng, 

Nor stay that soapy Hide of thine to dry!" 

III. 

Another cries: "What matters your Attire? 
Go, bear this Can to yonder Boiler Fire; 
Condensed Milk, Helvetian Bread, and Jam 
Will make a Breakfast such as we desire! . . . 

IV. 

A Suit-case from the Cubby Hole I bring, 
And jn it all my Winter Garments fling; 
My rubber Shoon and nailed Clogs I cast 
Therein, and laugh, for lo ! it is the Spring! . . . 

V. 

Here with a Map I stand beneath the Bough, 
The 'B.Z.', and the morning 'Voss' — and Thou 
Beside me, striving Future's Veil to raise — ■ 
The Present is mysterious enow! 

VI. 

Ah! my Beloved, let us rest and smoke 
This Mixture, aptly labelled 'Hearts of Oak' ; 
For Life, which neither Thou nor I with all 
Our wit can grasp, is but a sorry Joke. 

VII. 

Myself when young did eagerly frequent 
The first Tribune, and heard much Argument 
On many Themes, by windy Pros and Cons, 
But never wiser than I came, Iwent. 

VIII. 

Thou knowest Friend, the impulse of this Mind 
To Festival and Frolic so inclined; 
Behold me now; so changed by Circumstance, 
Forgetting Life, to Nothingness resigned ! 



IS 



Qgp Q$&p% 




DEAR 1NKSTAINS, 

I wish I hadn't to write to you this month for, as you 
know, I am genuinely fond of the old talking shop, and hate 
to confess to any failure; but truth will out, and in common 
with all the respectable devotees of talkee-talkee I am feeling 
very fed up with our leading lights. It occurred to the 
Committee that it would be rather a stunt to have an oratory 
competition, and accordingly all the dark horses of the Camp 
were invited to come and talk to us on one of six or seven 
subjects of varying grades of fatuity, and to the one who 
talked best we promised a book of poems by a gentleman who 
lived in Australia, ,and to the one who talked next best" a 
volume of Gilfillan's Literary Portraits. Had I been a 
competitor I should have been worried as -to how to steer 
clear of the first prize, and yet be sure of snaffling the second ; 
for I have ,a real weakness for old Gilfillan. In order to be 
sure of giving us a good show ; some gentleman were looked 
up by the Committee, and hounded on to talk. The evening 
arrived, and seven or eight speakers engaged our attention; 
then arose the judges and gave the worst display of bad taste 
and petty mindedness it has ever been my ill-luck to witness. 
Mr. Cohen opened the ball in his usual verbose style, indulging 
in a deal of cheap sarcasm at the expense of the unfortunate 
competitors. Mr. Crossland-Briggs followed him, and remarked 
at the outset that of one thing they might be certain: "No 
Burkes had been unearthed that evening!" Believe me, dear 
[nkstains, there is only one Burke, and only one Crossland- 
Briggs ! Mr. Pearce wound up the show by objecting to an 
honest north country burr possessed by one of the competitors. 
This from Mr. Pearce whateffer! This is how we encourage 
young speakers ! The first prize went to one Stockell, and 
the second to one Hodgkinson, both of whom are to be 
congratulated on their pluck and the self-restraint evidenced 
by them in accepting the prizes after hearing the criticisms. 
The sensible thing would have been to let the audience |act 
as judges, and had this been done the result would probably 
have been different. 



19 



Our next evening was devoted to a discussion, or rather 
should have been devoted to a discussion as to whether 
legislation directed social reform. Mr. Raram opened quite well, 
but somewhat lalienated 'the sympathy of 'the audience by talking 
of a "return to nature", a phrase which invariably arouses a 
suspicion of crankiness. Mr. Farmer, who is always worth 
hearing, pointed out very clearly that without legislation social 
reform would be all but impossible, and showed the cunning 
of an old debater in skirting around the word "direct". Mr. 
Andrews was somewhat soporific, and failed to make any 
great poinds. Mr. Balfour continued his leader's good work, and 
succeeded in convincing the audience that the proposers were a 
lot of anarchists who wanted to do away with legislation.* 
Of the following speakers Mr. Hodgson was the only one who 
got at the point that public opinion must of neccessity be in 
advance of legislation, or the legislation 'would be promptly 
squashed, and therefore legislation could not be said to "direct" 
social reform. The audience voted wholeheartedly that, 
legislation could and does "direct" social reform, but at least 
one can say for them that they didn't know they were doing so! 

Yours ever, 

THE MAD HATTER (2). 




77x€ ^dJfeylS/kyg , 



PHOEBE AND THE BENEFITS OF SPRING. 

<<\/ES, Phoebe, the Spring is one of the most /important 
l seasons of the year. It is in the Spring that things begin 
to sprout, — you will perhaps have noticed the remarkable 
crop of notices, which the Barrack notice boards have already 
brought forth; — it is in the Spring that 'nature calls us out 
at sunrise into — " 

"Nonsense! It's nothing to do with the Spring. That's 
the alarm bell — " 

"Do not interrupt, Phoebe; you spoil the flow of my 
thoughts. Spring as I was about to observe, is the season 
when people sit outside in the cold and pretend to enjoy it." 

"It seems to me they sit mostly in the dust. The condition 
of the Grand Stands is simply disgusting." 

"How so, Phoebe?" 

"The seats are perfectly filthy, and covered with sand." 

"Well! so is the rest of the compound." 

"Don't be ridiculous! The seats were kept clean last year." 

"But, Phoebe, things have changed since then. For 
instance, we have an official Camp tailor now." 

"What has that to do with it?" 

"Everything. The more dirt there is on the seats, the 
quicker one's suits get disreputable and wear out, the more 
new suits one needs, and — the more profits there are for 
the Camp fund." 

"And what is the Camp Fund?" asked Phoebe 
contemptuously. 

"I haven't the vaguest notion," I was forced to confess. 

"Nor has anybody else. Your statement about the tailor, 
like everything else you ,say, is absolutely absurd." 

"Phoebe", I said with dignity, "we will return to the 
question of Spring." 

"All right. Go on sulking by all means, if it amuses you." 

"I had wished," I resumed, ignoring the unjust inference 
in her last remark. "I had wished to point out to you the 
manifold advantages which will accrue to different members 
of the community owing to the arrival of the warmer weather. 
Nor," I added with dignity, "will I allow my zeal for your 
instruction to be damped by your bad manners. In the first 
place then, the time for retiring to rest has lalready been, set 
one hour later, enabling the wretched Boiler-house men to 
enjoy at least one hour's freedom a day." 

"Do you think they are overworked?" 

"Not bodily perhaps, but mentally. My dear Phoebe, I 
have frequently known the poor fellows to be so exhausted, 



MH 



21 



that they have been unable to differentiate between a request 
for /half a pot of water and a demand for a whole pot ; at least 
I can see no other reason for their innumerable errors in this 
respect. In the same way it will allow the Canteen workers 
to get a breath of fresh air, before submitting their weary 
limbs to the kiss of the blanket . . . Rather good that last; 
sentence, what? 

"It's cribbed, and not improved by the new setting, if 
you want to know. But I cannot conceive why the canteen 
officials should have weary limbs. I hardly ever see them 
except they're sitting in deck-chairs." 

"That's just it!" I exclaimed. "They have such a lot 
to do, that by the end of the day they can hardly stand. 
It beats me how customers can have the heartlessness to 
grumble when they have to wait a few minutes for the poor 
fellows to recover. Customers had to wait longer than 
that in the old days of queues, I'm quite sure." 

"But that is not nearly all. There are ever so many other 
people and institutions which will benefit by the change. 
There is the Camp Magazine, for instance, which should 
certainly be able to increase its circulation by a little judicious 
advertising, showing how it may now be read in the hours 
formerly allotted to sleep, without any loss of the precious 
time devoted to sterner work — everyone being notoriously 
]>usy here. There is the little enclosure at the end of 
Barrack 14, which may enjoy the popularity it deserves, but 
•somehow seems to have lacked — owing to people having 
more time to break rules ; there ar.e the Captains, who will 
nave an extra hour to make rules for people to break. Last, 
but not least, Phoebe, there is that great luxury, which we 
have had since May the first . . . We .are one and all able 
to get up now at the same time as usual and yet an hour 
earlier; we are able to make use of sunlight an hour after it 
gets dark ! 

"What are you talking about?" 

"The Daylight Saving Bill, of course." 

"0, that! Why can't you say what you mean? Anyone 
would think you were' speaking at a Debating Society evening; 
only the people there at least try to talk sense. 

It was obviously useless trying to hold a conversation 
with Phoebe when she was in that mood; so I. sadly put her 
away, as the Biblical saying goes, and walked home in silence. 

OVID IN RUHLEBEN. 

Spandava tota fremit; captivorum per oppida facti 
Rumor it, et magnum sermonibus occupat orbem. 



22 



CAMP ASTRONOMY. 




1. The Plough; will he prominent in neighbourhood of Bar. 6 
in early part of October, 1916. 

2. The Peebles Constellation; may be viewed weekly from 
Promenade. 

3. The Roker Star (fixed), surrounded by minor luminaries. 

4. The Debsoci Nebula, composed of gaseous bodies. 

5. Stella Italiana, Baraca X., attended by satellites. 

6. One of a large number of comets which shine for short 
period only. 



■ 



■HO 



23 



White 
White 



SOLUTION TO 

(1) to B 4 (ch) 

(2) R to Q 8 (mate) 

PROBLEM No. 
Black 



CHESS. 

PROBLEM No. 1. 

Black (1) PxQ 




White 
White to move and mate in three moves. 

The following game, played at Boston last October, is an 
interesting example of the Ruy Lopez opening. The final 
position being like a beautiful problem is remarkable occurring, 
as it does, in an actual game. 





WHITE. 


BLACK. 


WHITE. 


BLACC 


( 


J. F. BARRY). 


(B. KOSTIC) 


(J. F. BARRY\ 


(B. KOSTIC) 


1. 


P-K 4 


P-K4 


15. Kt-R5 


KtxKt 


2. 


Kt-KB3 


Kt-QB3 


16. QXKt 


P-QB3 


3. 


B— Kt5 


Kt-KB3 


17. B— Kt5 


Q-B2 


4 


P— Q 4 


PXP 


18. R-K 3 


P-Q4 


5. 


Castles 


P— Q3 


19. R— R3 


P-R3 


6. 


R— K 


B— K2 


20. R-KB 


P-Q5 


7. 


KtXP 


B-Q2 


21. Kt-K 2 


P-B4 


8 


Kt— QB3; 


Castles 


22. R - Kt 3 


K-R 


9. 


K Kt—K 2 


R-K 


23. BxBP 


B-Kt4 


10. 


Kt— Kt 3 


P-QR3 


24. BXRP 


PxB 


11. 


B— QB4 


Kt—K 4 


25. R— Kt 8 (ch) 


K— R2 


12. 


B-Kt3 


B— KB 


26. Q— Kt 6 (ch) 


KtXQ 


13. 


P-KB4 


Kt-Kt3 


27. PXKt(mate) 




14. 


P B5 


Kt—K 4 







NUMBER 1 of 'La Vie Franchise', our Gallic contemporary, 
has duly made its appearance and, if we may judge from 
opinions expressed, has come to stay. We congratulate Mr. Bell 
and his staff upon their production, which is worthy of its producers. 
We, who only write our mother tongue (and that with difficulty), 
envy our more gifted brethren, and wish them a career that shall be 
at once successful and brief. 



TwAr&&'m iMi!&J r2£nk£wZBrm 



24 



PUZZLE 







fMaelr 



A'^Z 




PICTURE 



25 







HAS HAPPENED. 






26 



A SUGGESTION TOR THE ENTERTAINMENTS COMMITTEE: WHY NOT ORGANISE A* HUNT ' ? . 




WksSsSh 



mEBSvSePVVS 



27 



OVERHEARD IN THE QUEUE. 
I. 

My name has appeared on the list, 

So I've taken my place in the queue, 

And I don't care a cuss for the cold, 

For at last I have something in view! 

My clothing has gone to the dogs, 

My wardrobe is far from complete, 

My coat is in rags, and my clogs 

Admit both the rain and the sleet. — 

What matter sartorial wants ? 

Or the wind that is searching me through? 

A parcel from home has arrived, 

So I've taken my place in the queue! 

II. 

For the cannibal, naked and stark, 
Some suitable raiment is meet, 
But one thing I wish to remark 
I want something dainty to eat ! 
Oh! Fortune be friendly to me, 
Remember my delicate taste, 
Let heathens with flannel make free 
But send me some anchovy paste! 
Elizabeth Lazenby, think 
Of the man who is thinking of you ! 
Forget me not, Lipton and Pink, 
Remember the man in the queue ! 

III. 

In my youth I have marvelled sometimes 
Why men for sheep-stealing were hung; 
My Avants are more modest than theirs, 
I don't expect more than the tongue! 
To battle with joy I would go, 
Though I shrink from all barbarous scenes, 
For a herring, with hard or soft roe, 
For a ninepenny tin of sardines ! 
Oh! Huntley and Palmer, give heed 
To the boon I am begging from you ; 
You would, if you knew of the need 
Of the man who is here in the queue ! 

IV. 

Some fairy godmother, perhaps, 
Has sent me a succulent ham, 



28 



With oddments to. fill up the gaps, — 
Such as pickles, or chutney, or jam; 
Or Buszards have sent me a cake, 
Compounded of currants and plum; 
With joy of their gift I'll partake, 
And devour to the very last crumb! 
If Fortnum and Mason were kind, 
If Poulton and Noel were true, 
A parcel I surely should find, 
Addressed to me here in the queue! 

V. 

(Five minutes later.) 

Is decency perished and gone? 
Is charity utterly dead? 
Not one of the things I required 
Is here, but I've got this instead! 

(displaying parcel) 

Each person I've mentioned above 
My grievous necessity mocks :— 
Here's a maiden aunt sends me her love, 
And a pair of blue hand-knitted socks ! ! I 

(exit, with appropriate language). 




: £".'•< 



ft jffiC 




29 







CAMP SILHOUETTES. 



warn 




30 




yWV R. Mortimore Howard regrets to announce that, although 
/ V the "Exchange and Mart" is a private concern, he is 

unable to arrange private exchanges. 

* * 
* 

OVERHEARD. 

A. I hear that you are giving a lecture; what is the subject? 

B. Japan. 

A. What language are you giving it in? 

B. French, of course! 

Hence the name — Englanderlager. 

* * 
* 

The Irish players, besides being patriotic, are sure of their 

own worth. "Give us a fair "Erin", is all they ask. 

* * 
* 

A notice recently issued by the "Ruhleben Daily News" 
states that "owing to shortage of paper there is no: news to- 
day". — We had no idea that paper was so important.. 

* * 
* 

The blossom's out, but we are not 
Too pleased about the blossoms out. — 
It seems to flout our wretched lot; 
The blossom's out, but we are not! 

* 
We are told that all the policemen in Bond Street are good 

billiard players. This is ,not surprising; they have plenty of 

experience in handling queues. 

* * 
* 

We shall get plenty of good matches in the cricket League 

this season. So different from the Canteen. 

* * 
* 

The suggestion as to employing parrots in the different 
Barracks to squawk "Fire bell!" at frequent intervals is a good 
one. But why not train some of the sportsmen who yell "off 
side" to do this good work? It would be a welcome change for 
everyone. 



ty'.H 



THE PHOTO CRAZE 



31 




Weojrald(d<arboy) thinking it will be a 

nice present to bis fianeec has bimselF 

photographed with his Barrack Soccer* 

Team 



Delighted with the result" he 
the Phqsiologieal Cirde 
WitK the object of bcir\Q 
included ir\ 1h.eir Group 



joirxs 




OF course b6 pcr&u&d&s bis 
Box mates to betaken with bim 

ILJUU 
W2> 




and now that tb6 fever has gripped bim 
be requires but little persuasion to 
Honour bis Countcj Societq with 

bis pr65- 

s JX &# S>'\ joA* 




To make up a handsome set of photos 
which will endtar hi m to the girl of his choir 
he is snapaeoTirT 
costume wilrrlbc boys 
of the R.tD.S>. 




Bot JLrat/fe©for6- porting them 
6n(gla>r\d be^ reeeiuep & 
staitsr 5 Iprom home/ er\elog/irvg a 
^WEOOipG 6QOuP/ir\ wKieh] his 
rianca^ appears as 

blusrVirW) foRlDE. 



oP 



£lVAL 



_«!.. -/"•«. *. 



Xr 



\. o ; 



•*wi/^ ^> 



I 



A Vc 



CMAW 



32 




yAeatrieal/imej. 



"And nothing was ever praised 
enough. " 

G. K. C. 



"JIMMIE'S LAST CRIME", dramatised in the Camp by 
Messrs. Crossland and Hallam, was produced on the 29th of 
March by Mr. Hersee. Jimmy Valentine had the good fortune 
to win back to probity and the respectable monotony of a 
branch bank, marrying aj sweet girl and escaping a richly 
deserved term of penal servitude. We hope that he will be 
satisfied 'with his fate. 

"LE CONTROLEUR DES WAGONS-LITS",' was one of the 
most enjoyable performances we have had the pleasure of 
seeing fin Ruhleben. We are glad to have this opportunity of 
congratulating Mr. Goodhind on his first essay at production. 
His management is as thorough as his acting is brilliant. The 
play had not that fresh youthful joyousness that lent such 
charm to "La Petite Chocolatiere", but in broad fun and 
ingeniously contrived situation it was infinitely richer, the last, 
act being one long scream of laughter. In the title-role Mr. 
Eden displayed a verve and dash and a secure confidence in 
his pwn powers that gripped the house and swept it along, to 
an ethusiastically applauded curtain. The end came all too 
soon. He was well supported by a good cast. The settijngs 
were cleverly designed ,and in good taste, as is usual, in the 
productions of the French Society, the striking yellow back- 
ground of the third act allowing an aptly conceived relief to the 
free burlesque and rapid movement which took place before it. 

In England we are slowly recovering from an . age of 
spurious things. In literature we had spurious verse, artificial 
prose; unreal thought and untrue emotion; on the stage 
reigned — and still reign — spurious situation and spurious 
wit. It was an' immature, precocious time in. which everyone 
was trying to be funny, in which the unpretentious good was 
consistently neglected for the cheapest of tinsel, and our great- 



oLzEm 




33 



est thinkers deliberately played the mountebank to catch the 
public ear. There are signs that we are recovering. 

;"FANCY FREE", is a playlet bound down to this tyranny 
of the "funny". Its poor humour has not even the false- 
brilliance of the average London society -play ; it is the affected 
wit of an awkward country-lad strayed t into the putrescent 
glamour of Picaddilly. The works are painfully visible, the 
characters boring at the height of their appalling funniness. 

The playlet was badly produced and badly acted. Fancy 
was its saving grace; we agree with Fancy that the 
Cosmopolitan Lounge was dull, as wholeheartedly as we 
agree with each of the individual actors that the others were 
'indelicate'. Te yellow scene which, in the French play, had 
meaning and purpose, was plastered over with pictures, pink 
lamps, and a disharmony of blue furniture into a hideous 
incoherence. 

"THE YOUNGER GENERATION" showed us Stanley 
Houghton returned to his own. God be praised for a play 
without lan epigram; without even a hotel lounge. It is difficult 
to believe that these two plays sprang from one mind ; this 
genuine piece of thought and feeling took one back to an 
England that was real, lovable. One cannot be too grateful to 
the producer, Mr. Davies, for the tact with which he has 
conserved its simple and direct truthfulness. The casting of 
the play showed true insight, and the acting was beautifully 
natural and genuine. After being almost convinced by Arnold 
Bennett that the heart and soul of provincial England was 
vulgarity, streaked with a cheap and clumsy cleverness, it 
is refreshing to come upon our fathers and mothers analysed 
by a man with a sense for real values. 

To estimate the acting would be to praise each individual 
actor, with emphasis for Messrs. Greene, Thorpe, Alston and 
Kindersley, and a possible exception in the case of Mr. Dann- 
horn. Not that the latter 's acting was bad. He played his 
conception only too convincingly; but one found oneself 
regretting that revelation and light should come from so vulgar 
a renegade from English Puritanism as the Uncle Tom given 
us by this player. 

"The Younger Generation" is not a pretentious play, but 
it does more than it pretends. It clears away mountains of 
stupid conventions and absurd traditions — bowed to by our 
best — of our English stage, and points the way to a simple 
and greater art. This new spirit in English drama is, we regret 
to see, quite unrepresented jn the theatre programme for the 
near future. H. M. 







R. F. A. 



BARRACK CAPTAINS. 




35 



KILLING TIME. 



ALL the boys having gone off to the Casino and left me 
alone in the Box, I strolled out to look up some of my 
friends. First of all I called on the Rabelaisians. Panurge was 
the only one in when I called, and he seemed to be rather glum 
and out-of -sorts. 

"Hallo, old chap!" I said "What's the matter?" 

"I'm tired," he replied; "tired of Supermen, Captains, 
Camp Schools, and Relief Fund squabbles; — tired of all these, 
for a restful deck-chair I sigh. I should like to buy a deck- 
chair and revert to the strenuous life of last summer i" 

"Well, why don't you?" I enquired. 

"I am afraid that if I buy one I shall offend the Civil 
Authorities, that a, friend of mine in Berlin will write articles 
about it to the English Press, and that the "Daily News" will 
devote another column to us under the heading of "The Ruhleben 
Work-Shies". 

"Then you had better do without one." 

"But without a deck-chair it is impossible to appreciate 
the cricket properly, or to sun oneself and doze all day. 
And after all if people go and spent money opening Cinemas 
in the Camp, which I certainly don't want, why shouldn't 
I buy myself, at my own expense, a' harmless deck-chair 
which I most certainly do want?" 

"Then damn the consequences and buy one!" 

"But you know how sensitive I am; I don't want to help 
to provide material for more "Strange stories from a German 
Concentration Camp". People at home are very naturally 
rather fed up with us Ruhlebenites and our "sufferings", and 
funny ways ; and I think we ought to run no risks of attracting 
more attention." 

"You are right, old chap, you'd better not risk it." 

"On the other hand I have, never, to my knowledge, cost the 
"Britsh Taxpayer" a cent; in happier clays I have even had 
the privilege of figuring under that august title myself, and I 
don't see why I should pay any particular attention to what 
outsiders are kind enough to think about my personal 
expenditure." 

"Then buy your wretched deck-chair and have done 
with it!" 

At this point Panurge complained that he did not see much 
use in baring his heart to my jeering gaze, ! and initiating- me 
into all his troubles if I could not treat the matter seriously; 
so, seeing that he was getting into that state of amiability! 



36 



which has endeared us all so much to one another, I thought 

it was time to clear out, and accordingly left him. 

* * 

* 

Walking down the "stalls of serried pain" I came to the 
Box where the Autocrat wastes his energy giving unappreciated 
pyrotechnic displays to his young friends. 

The Autocrat, Wilkins and Harris were all at their usual 
occupations when I came in; Harris had at last succeeded 
in securing Miss Victoria Cross's fascinating novel "Five nights", 
which is in such great demand at the Library, and was 
devouring it with obvious satisfaction; Wilkins was deep in a 
solid -looking volume, and the Autocrat was busy making 
remarks on things in general. 

"What's the book, Wilkins?" I enquired. 

"After years of curious pain," said the Autocrat, "Wilkins 
is at school again. He is reading Ibsen as becometh a budding 
Superman; but I am afraid he will over-do it, and impair his 
originality. The intuitive knowledge of the contents of the 
book, obtained by examining the binding, would stand him in 
much better stead. Too much ballast will impede his flights 
of phantasy; he has already discovered that Anitra did not 
dance "against the cold face of the rock," but on the sands 
of the Sahara, for the delectation of a dissipated Scandinavian 
upon whose purse the minx had designs. Wilkins would do 
better to study, and mould his style upon that of the Prisoners 
Pie." 

"Dry up, Autocrat, before you move your disciple to 
tears," I said, seeing that Wilkins was; 'beginning to look 
annoyed. 

"The tears of the Philistine are nectar of the Gods," replied 
the Autocrat, and as he is inclined to be a bore when he 
breaks forth into aphorism I fled, and went and finished up 
the evening in the Casino. H. B. F. 





n. 


F. Jl. 








FIRST LEAGUE. 












Goals 




Barrack 


P. w. 


L. D. 


F. 


A. 


Pts. 


9 


20 18 


1 1 


67 


13 


37 


5 


20 12 


7 1 


60 


44 


25 


11 


20 12 


7 1 


65 


49 


25 


10 


20 12 


8 


50 


33 


24 


8 


20 11 


7 2 


43 


33 


24 


4 


20 9 


9 2 


46 


35 


20 


3 


20 7 


9 4 


38 


53 


18 


2 


20 7 


12 I 


31 


65 


15 


20 


20 6 


12 2 


32 


41 


14 


7 


20 4 


14 2 


31 


57 


10 


17 


20 4 


16 


24 


64 


8 



aKa< 









Boo; croo; 
i 



Crafts 



(K Page of Works which oar Arts sJ 
Hanqing Gommittee unfortunately had 
— to reject 



ARMS AND THE MAN. 



38 







N contrast with other "Markets" the state of the gardening 
market in Ruhleben is most undoubtedly brisk, judging from the 
activities displayed in all the four corners of the Camp, and it is 
really gratifying to note that in spite of the absence -of gooid 
garden soil, and the difficulty in procuring any,, gardens are 
springing up like mushrooms, all over the Lager, which seems 
to point to a successful season. By the time this article appears 
most of the seeds should be in the soil, and the gardens prepared 
to receive the seedlings, cuttings &c, which have been chosen 
for cultivation. Never sow your seeds in dry ground, and if the 
weather should be very dry give the soil a good soaking the day 
previous to putting in your seeds. Do not sow all your seeds 
at once, but reserve some to replace those which do not come 
up; then again, in the case of candytuft, sweatpeas and mignonette, 
make two or three sowings at intervals of, say 14 days, in order 
to attain a longer continuous period of blooming. I know this 
will be rather difficult where there is a very limited garden 
space, but it should be done where possible, so as to prolong 
the beauty of your gardens right through to the autumn. There 
is a wicked little weed, which I have only met with in this 
country, very similar to the chickweed, and it appears most in 
soil which has received a liberal supply of manure, but I find 
that if you give it your careful attention in its young days, that 
is to say, directly it shows itself (which it does about May) and 
that remove it at once, it will gradually disappear altogether. When 
your gardens are well established, do not omit to remove at 
once all dead stalks, flowers or Ijeaves &c, from the plants, as 
they spoil absolutely the appearance of the finest plants grown. 

Pay particular attention to your pansies, viola, mignonette 
and geranium, and look them over every morning, cutting out all 
seed pods as soon as the flower is dead; if you leave them 1 
growing on your plants, they take the nourishment which should 
go to develop fresh flowers. No doubt, some of you will have 
noticed a pansy plant, for instance, during the early weeks of 
its existence, shows beautiful large blooms, and afterwards they 
become smaller and smaller as time goes on. This is due to the 
seed pods not having been promptly removed; and the same rule 
applies to all plants. One important rule, and one which must 
not be neglected is to keep your garden neat and tidy, removing 
all weeds as they appear, for they are only garden robbers. 
Flowers cannot flourish and weeds too, therefore "W.M.G. !". 

Due care should be given to the arrangement of your plants, 
not putting them too close together, excepting, of course, those 
for bordering, and if you have only a few homely specimens to 
shew, and your garden is a w e 1 1 kept one, it will /take 
precedence of all neglected ones, no matter what priceless plants 
they contain. 

Proof that gardening is growing in popularity, is the fact 






39 



that a certain Barrack which never possessed a garden at all 
last year, have commenced one this season, even if only in the 
shape of a window box. This is at least a beginning - , and 
may ( ?) lead on to other and geater things. It is a great pity 
that soil is so scarece, and I cannot close these notes without 
making known the fact that the taking of soil from any such 
heaps about the Camp as that near Spandau is strictly forbidden 
by the powers that be. Some very ardent gardeners had helped 
themselves to "just a little" a few days agto[ when the authorities 
intervened, — but I won't say what nearly happened! Still, don't 
you think that a nice assortment of sweet peas climbing ,up 
the inside of that little bit of wire fencing at the extremity, 
of Bar. 14 would look very pretty? FORGET-ME-NOT, 

(i. e. your Garden). 




SWEETS FROM THE SWEET. 



40 



"HARD'IESSE" or A Dramatic Romance. 

f T was night, and GEORDIE, COUNT OF LUXEMBOURG sat 
1 smoking a Salem (ASYOULEIKIT) cigarette on the balcony 
of his palace; beneath, the garden gleamed white arid ghostly 
at the RISING OF THE MOON. No sound was heard,; save 
the gentle cooing of: the MUMMING BIRDS, and the croaking 
voice of Dr. Klaus-Jones, who was relating a false scandal 
concerning THE PRIVATE SECRETARY, MR. PREEDY — AND 
THE COUNTESS! Someone must have been listening, in the 
garden below, . for . suddenly a lump of gravel AND ROCK 
LESSEN 'D THE LIE ON his lips, by striking him full on the 
face. "WELL I'M D — D!" he spluttered. Geordie sniggered. 
"'DONT LAUGH!" remonstrated the Doctor, "you must realise 
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST in this matter, — 
listen!" 

A melancholy wail was borne to their ears ; someone was 
singing a verse of an old ballad : — 

"0 lay her in a SILVER BOX, 
And to the church-yard trundle her; 
For now within her arms she locks 
THE GHOST OF JERRY BUNDLER!" 
"Beautiful" murmured Geordie; "it reminds me of my 
childhood, when I used to hear my DEAR DEPARTED PA 
SING, OFF THE THIRD FLOOR-BACK in Dixie Land!" 

"S — sh!" said the Doctor, "look there!" Three musicians 
stood in the avenue. The moon-light falling through the trees 
made them look a curious SPECKLED BAND. The tallest 
detached himself from the group and drew near, little guessing 
that the MASTER OF THE HOUSE was watching him. "Who 
is he?" (whispered Geordie. "It's young MASTER BILL DARE", 
returned the garrulous Doctor, "THE PRODIGAL SON of a 
retired ELECTRA-chemist, who turned BALLAD MONGER in 
his dotage . . ." 

From under a rose-bush appeared a pair of LEGS, AND 
THE WOMAN to whom they belonged crept out to meet the 
minstrel. 

"This looks like some GREAT ADVENTURE", said wicked 
old Geordie, nudging the Doctor. 

The lovers in the garden were conversing: "All is ready, 
love", Dare was saying; "MY PAL JERRY is waiting at the 
gate with a coach . . ." The girl hesitated and Dare continued. 
"You are just THE RIGHT AGE TO MARRY", he pleaded; 
"give it a TRIAL— BY DUE REflection you will see it is best . .. 
Come! remember THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT, and avoid all 
STRIFE with your father . . ." 



T l* If 'Of" ■ * HU\ * 

ttsfiirjr 






41 



At the word "father", Geordie jumed from his chair, and 
peered at the couple below him — it was, yes, it was, his* 
own daughter Ella! . . . "It's a SIN! DEAR!— ELLA"!" he 
shouted, leaping over the balcony ; but the lovers had fled ! 

"But WHAT HAPPENED TO JONES?" you will ask; — he 
was busy SPREADING THE NEWS. 

All of which shows that there is no truth in the old French 
proverb which says : 

ON EST PERE SANS DOULEUR! MTCHEYCX 

SHAKESPEARE, KG. 

Macbeth, Act. 2. Sc. 2. 



OUR UNIVERSAL PRAYER. 
Help me hence ho ! — 

WORK. 

Thou canst not say I did it! — 



Macbeth, Act 3. Sc. 4. 



999 



The multiplying villainies of nature 
Do swarm upon him. — 

Macbeth, Act 1. Sc. 2. 
THE PESSIMIST. 

There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune ! 

Hen. IV. P. 1. Act 3. Sc. 3. 
THE R. L. and D. S. 

You shall have time to wrangle in when you 
Have nothing else to do. — 

Ant. and Cleopatra, Act 2. Sc. 2. 
IN COMMITTEE. 

Hear me, you wrangling pirates that fall out. 

Rich. 3., Act 1. Sc. 3. 

how this discord doth afflict my soul! — 

Hen. IV. P. 2. Act 3. Sc. 1. 
AFTER MANY DAYS. 

Canst thou remember- 

A time before we came into this cell? 

1 do not think thou canst. — 

Tempest, Act 1. Sc. 2. 
THE CUP THAT CHEERS. 

Pr. Henry. For the sugar thou gavest me, 

'twas a pennyworth, was't not? 
Francis. Lord, sir, I would it had been two! — 

Hen. IV. P. 2. 
THE DAY OF DAYS. 

Stand not upon the order of your going, 

But go at once! — Macbeth, Act 3. Sc. 5, 



42 




THEATRE ROYAL, RUHLEBEN 



LAWN TENNIS. 

DURING the first week of April the weather was so beautifully 
fine and warm, that all tennis players were longing to get into 
flannels and begin another season at their favourite pastime, but 
as was to be expected, the fine weather lasted only a few days, 
and since then we have experienced wind, dust and rain storms 
which have prohibited the courts being opened. It is expected, 
however, that before this number of our Magazine is in the 
hands of our readers, tennis will be again in full swing. Thanks 
to the permission obtained by the Committee, two new courts 
instead of one will be available this season, and it is hoped to 
have all the nine courts ready and opened for play, weather 
permitting, during Easter week. It has been impossible for the 
new courts to be laid on a dead level, but the slope will scarcely 
be more noticeable than it was on court No. 7 last season, and 
any way they provide extra playing facilities for the largely 
increased number of members. All the courts have been carefully 
repaired and treated with top dressing of clay-loam and sand, 
and before being opened for play appeared to be in first-class 
condition; whether or not they will stand a whole season's hard 
usage, must remain to be seen. 

In response to the general invitation given to any member 
of the Camp to join the Lawn Tennis Association, in accordance 
with the resolution passed at the General Meeting held in March, 
some ninety five additional names have been added to the 
membership list; among these are many novices who are taking 



43 



the opportunity of learning the game, and others who are joining- 
chief ly for the sake of exercise. 

It is hoped there will also be found some good experienced 
players who will help to raise the general standard of »pl'ay, 
which last year, with the exception of a few good players, was 
scarcely up to average club form. 



CRICKET. 



BY the time these lines appear (if we are here) we shall have 
commenced our second cricket season. The pleasant manner 
in which this glorious game passed away the summer days 
of last year, both for players and spectators, is still fresh in the 
memories of all. Given decent weather there is no doubt that the 
second campaign will not be behind its predecessor in point of 
interest and cleverness of play. 

As previously, an association has been formed for running 
the game in the Camp, with Capt. Fisher, as Chairman, Mr. 
Barber (to whom I am indebted for the following information) as 
Secretary, and a delegate from each Barrack. Mr. John Ross, 
who has rendered the R.F.A. such splendid help during the past 
season, has been appointed to take over the control of the ground, 
and; it is certain he and his assistants will spare no effort to make 
the cricket fields as good as possible. 

Attempts are being made to make wickets which will not be 
affected by the atmospheric conditions so much as they were last 
year. 

There will be a First and a Second League. In the former will 
be 10 teams, namely, 2. 3. 4. 5. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12, and the four 
Barracks 17. 18. 20. and 21, who will combine and be called 
Barrack 20. The Second League will have 12 teams, including the 
above named Barracks, with the addition of the Boys, 

It is hoped to open the season officially with an exhibition 
match on 7th. May. The following day the League matches 
commence. Representations are being made to the powers that 
be for the ground to be kept open all day, without being closed 
as at present from 11.30 to 2 p. m. If these efforts are successful 
the times of starting and finishing for the games will be: — 

First Division 9.30 to 11.30 
1.30 to 6.30 
Second Division 1.30 to 6.30 
As usual a win counts 2 points, a draw 1 point. 

There will be three practice nets which will provide ample 
opportunity for all. In connection with the practising I am asked 
to request those using the nets to avoid, as far as possible, the 
knocking of balls in the playing grounds during a match. 

May I please make one suggestion to all those taking part 
in matches, and that is that punctuality in starting is a virtue 
greatly appreciated by spectators. Cricket is sometimes unjustifiably 
called slow. It's not really the cricket that's slow, but the 
players who make it appear so. 

Cricket is more than a game or pastime; it is the standard of 
all" that's fair and just in men. Let every one of us do our bit 
to maintain it's honoured traditions. 

FRED. B. PENTLAND. 



44 

THE THIRD ART EXHIBITION. 

THE necessity for going to press on the opening day of the 
Exhibition precludes more than a passing note on it. This is 
perhaps just as well. If one praises anything in Ruhleben one is 
accused of having lost all sense of proportion; if one expresses 
dissatisfaction one is reproached for having left out of account the 
conditions under which any artistic work is produced here. 

The Exhibition as a whole was not very exciting; Mr. Tooby's 
group of drawings dominated one's interest^ as Mr. Beckers lavish 
misuse of blue was unfortunately liable to dominate the eye. Mr. 
Tooby's portraits are certainly fine and show plenty of strength. Mr. 
Horsefall always gets a likeness, and is particularly successful in 
his portrait of Mr. Carrad; Mr. Goodchild in his portrait work 
endeavours with some success to get below the features of his 
subject by the aid of colour; his portraits were both interesting and 
promising. Mr. Hislop contributed a nice little piece of colouring 
in "Behind the Scenes". It seems curious that such a great deal 
of space should have been devoted to a poor picture of a coat 
of arms with Mr. Moloney beneath it. Mr. Wade reigned supreme 
in the section devoted to humorous topical work, which formed 
an outstanding feature of the Exhibition. 

It is a pity that Mr. Winzer did not exhibit anything, and very 
surprising that no one has tried to capture on paper the wonderful 
cloud effects which we get in Ruhleben. 




A, CORNER OF BOND STREET. 



tmm 



#«F 



BHHH 



45 



N°2. WHAT IT FEELS LIKE 




TO DELIVER YOUR FIRST RUHLEBEN LfCTURE. 



46 






EUCLID IN RUHLEBEN. 

A K. G. is a plain figure bounded on all sides by barbed 
wire. 

Since all K.G's are equal, one K.G. is as good as another. 
Which is absurd. 

A line-up consists of a number of K. G's placed in a row, 
and may be produced to any extent by ringing a bell. 

A finite line is one which is limited by A — K and L — Z. 

A Circle is a figure composed of any round number, the 
units of which meet, but never .agree. 

A semi-Circle is the figure which is formed when half the 
members of a Circle have joined some other Circle. 

An acute wrangle is one in which opposing lines of 
opinion meet in the same box. 









agqkised vorcE ; - *S 6dy Singer ! 

is tA&t JZ&J716 over tfkm MYto&st ? 



Concerning Lost Property. 

FROM the inauguration of the Lost Property Department 
to the end of December, 1915, 252 articles had been 
handed in to the police station, of which only 96 were claimed. 

The balance were sold by auction on 3rd. Jan. 1916, bringing 
in a total of M 110.65, which was handed over to the Camp 
Treasurer for the Camp Fund. 

Since then January, February and March have brought in 
272 articles of which 127 have been claimed. 

This assortment is for the greater part composed of pipes, 
knives and articles of clothing. 

Although a complete list is posted each month on the 
notice board outside the station and kept up to date day by 
day, it is surprising that more articles are not claimed. 

It is possible that a certain number of people still do 
not know where to look for lost property, so we hope that 
the publication of this paragraph will help in this respect. 

A half-yearly sale will be held about the end of May. 

ALFRED E. RODGER. 
Secretary Lost Property Dept. 



Oft 



^W'^'. 



48 




J. S. PREUSS, Printer by Appointment to the Royal Court, Berlin S., Dresdenerstr. 43 




. , r ■ ■■ ',■•.. ■■;■.'"' ■ 



EPIiiB ■■■■ 

' ■ *■ ■ 
BwSa^ dps] Gf9wffiHR3Pli&£^ 

■'■■.'■■'■- «sra& 
.■■'■-.■--■• 

liiBBiiioajoiWrTH 

. ... ^ " • ' 

. ''.'■■■ ' 



IiIHHBEI 

mSmtm 




iramfli 

m